I don’t want to write this letter not because I have any bad feelings, in fact it’s the opposite, I only have good memories of all the stupid things that you me and my brother got into when we were all still in high school. The main reason I don’t want to write this though is that I have to admit to myself that you are not here anymore. You’ve only been gone a couple of weeks but it feels a lot longer that; probably because the last time I saw you was almost 3 years ago now. I regret that I never tried to reach out and talk to after that, I thought we’d have more time to talk, and I got busy with graduate school I know it’s hard to believe that your little brother is getting a masters degree. It seems like such a long time ago when I was practicing with my crutches to walk in high school graduation. I’m being so mad that weren’t there in case I never apologized to you I’m sorry I realize you were busy working for something to make time when you could.
Remember all the games of Madden that we played? You always beat me most of the time you were better at it I guess. Except once when I won by 60 or some ridiculously high margin, you probably like me when you would do something like that are also I wouldn’t keep playing with you. I remember us through that one when in your face so much for the next couple days that you beat me up in another pointless fight that we all used to get into just from a heck of it. I remember when we first started playing Madden I get so mad that I was losing that I quit I have time and everyone always got mad at me for giving up eventually I learned though largely because of you that you should just take your beatings, at least in video games anyway.
I remember when we all started hanging out together and I was in middle school I cried whenever you guess what hit me, eventually I wanted you to pick me up and throw me on the couch just for fun. Now I think about it punches didn’t actually hurt at all, especially when you compare them pain that I am in because you’re gone. I guess that’s the last punch you will ever give me. In time I guess I’ll grew to appreciate that one to because in a way toward death has been hardest death that I’ve had to deal with. Up until now the only person who I’ve had to say goodbye to was my grandfather he was 94 and had lived a good life you were only 26 it’s going to be harder to let you go.
As I’m writing this I find myself thinking more about the time when we lost contact with each other and why that was. I guess it started when I started going to college and contact you were in Philly at that point and I figured you had your own life separate from the stupid ventures we had when we were in high school. As for me I guess I made a bit of a hard disconnect my life in high school and my new life in college, I hardly wanted anything to do with anyone from my high school even people like you that I consider family. I’m a little bit ashamed of it now in light of what’s happened. In your memory I will try and keep in contact with our friends back at home so I don’t feel so bad anymore.
I remember when my brother and I used to get in fights and tell each other we needed the other one, you laugh and say “you know that one day and soon you’ll have heart-to-heart conversation just the two of you and then you come to appreciate each other”. I remember thinking at the time six years ago “yeah right like that will ever happen”. As it turns out it just happen to years ago just after my niece was born, I thought to myself my God Wes was right I told my brother about my memory of the conversation between the three of us that he remembered it to I guess you were smart in the both of us. Although you and I are not related by blood I will always consider you my older brother. I will treat your family as if they were mine for as long as I live.
My Eternal Thanks to you, Wesley Nathaniel Potts until we meet again. I almost forgot happy birthday!
Gabriel Michael Brown.